Confessions of a Middleagedmom

surviving motherhood in the “middle ages”

Facebook…to friend or not to friend? November 2, 2009

Filed under: friends,random thoughts,social media — middleagedmom @ 4:21 pm
Tags: , , ,

One of the biggest dilemmas for me when it comes to Facebook is whether to add a “friend” or not.

Recently, I received a friend request and I’ve been wondering if I should accept it or not.

The funny thing about social media…it’s really all about being sociable. Sometimes it means being sociable even with those who you don’t necessarily choose to be social with IRL. Twitter is a perfect example of this. Since you only share snippets of information at any one time, it’s still not really personal if you don’t want it to be.

On the other hand, Facebook tends to get more personal especially if you post pictures of yourself and your family and friends. The posts are usually about your personal life. The prompt FB uses (share) implies that you are  willing to and enjoy sharing information with others.

So what do you do when you don’t really want to share that information with certain people? What do you do if someone sends you a friend request? Do you ignore it? How long will you ignore it?

Does ignoring it mean that you don’t like the person? What does the person think if you don’t accept it right away? Up until recently I was only sending friend requests to certain people who I felt comfortable sharing my personal life with. If I received a friend request it was usually someone who I pretty much kept in contact with IRL.

This recent request came from someone who I knew a long time ago but haven’t seen or spoken to in many years. I think they found me through a mutual friend on FB. Hmmm…does that mean this person wants to reconnect? Wants to be “friends” again?

So, what do you do when you get a friend request and you’re not sure if you should accept it? Tell me why you’re hesitant to accept it and why you did or didn’t accept it. I want to hear from you!

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4 Responses to “Facebook…to friend or not to friend?”

  1. lucychase Says:

    A couple of weeks ago, my very first Facebook friend request came from one of my brother’s friends who only wanted to play Mafia Wars. I just told him I was a pacifist and ignored his request. I didn’t want a guy I didn’t know to be my first Facebook friend!

    I almost didn’t sign up for FB because I didn’t really want to reconnect with people I knew in high school. I don’t like small talk or reunions. 25 years later, I felt like, if we were meant to keep in touch, we would have done that.

    It turns out that wasn’t entirely the case. There were a couple of people I didn’t get to know in school that I really do get along with well now. Of course, there were also a couple of people I hung out with all the time who I have almost nothing in common with now. Then there are those I did get along with who are on FB, but are sticking to their guns about accepting friend requests from ANYONE from high school. I guess I can respect that and try not to take it personally that they’re ignoring my friend requests. Finally, I have found people coming out of the woodwork who didn’t want to talk back then, but apparently feel bad if they don’t “friend” everyone in our class.

    My most recent friend request came from someone I didn’t know. He was a friend of a friend, and I don’t know how they became friends, because I didn’t know my friend knew anyone from another country. I decided to accept because I googled him and found that we have the same occupation.

    In my world, the jury is still out. I’m shy about sending out new friend requests, and I’m wondering if I should just get over it. I’ve never turned one down after that first guy, though. Come to think of it, my brother hasn’t talked to me since then. I hope that’s only a coincidence.

  2. middleagedmom Says:

    Thanks for sharing! Glad to know I’m not the only one with Facebook friend hesitation.

  3. 1LuvnMama Says:

    I know, it’s such a dilemma. FB is good in that it keeps me updated with family and “friends” that I want to stay in contact with.
    I’ve turned down friend requests, not feeling bad at all. Totally my decision . . . do I really want this “friend” to know my world that I live in today? Well, still haven’t added my father-in-law as a friend either after he sent me a request months ago.
    So, friend or not to friend? That’s the question. A totally personal decision!

  4. middleagedmom Says:

    Yes, it’s so hard to decide what to do, especially if you have mutual friends on FB.

    Thanks for commenting!


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