Confessions of a Middleagedmom

surviving motherhood in the “middle ages”

Springtime Brirthday Card April 26, 2009

Filed under: baby,family,handmade cards,scrapbooking,toddlers — middleagedmom @ 4:07 pm
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Here’s birthday card that I made for a little girl’s 1st birthday.

springtime1stbdayoutside2I used yellow cardstock for the card. The images are from Letting Delights Spring Bundle. It also includes the font used on the front of the card. It’s called “LD vanilla”. The green gingham ribbon is from American crafts. The drangonfly sticker is from Jolee’s Boutique and the white lines were created using a Sakura opaque gel writer. I can’t remember where I got the green sticker I used for the “grass”.



For the inside of the card, the flower image and frame also came from the Spring Bundle. The font is called “elastic wrath” downloaded from the internet, except for the number 1 which is “DJ Chunky” from DJ Inkers.



In the Desert of Infertility – Part 2 April 1, 2009

Filed under: baby,children,Christianity,dad,family,infertility,moms,pregnancy — middleagedmom @ 11:35 pm
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Sadly, I didn’t get pregnant even after 6+ more months…

I was finally referred to an Infertility Specialist. Looking back, I wish I had gone sooner. The initial appointment was just like a regular checkup. One of the curious questions was regarding how hairy I was. I remember the doctor commenting that people who are really hairy,  could indicate some kind of hormonal issue. Well, that wasn’t a problem for me. The consultation also included a talk about our history with infertility and some options.

We ended up doing a few tests. My husband did a test for sperm count which came up a little low but not substantial enough to explain the infertility. I also ended up doing a dye test to see if my fallopian tubes were blocked. I can’t remember the name of the test. I remember the nurse mentioning to me that a lot of women get pregnant after the dye test. Apparently, one of my tubes appeared to be at least partially blocked.  I actually know a few women who got pregnant with only 1 fallopian tube. Well, I still didn’t get pregnant.

The doctor recommended that we do three series of IUIs (interuterine insemination). I’m not sure if the insurance company makes them do the least evasive procedures first.  Along with the IUIs, I still had to take hormones. As part of the IUI process, you have to get ultrasounds around your period to check your ovaries and egg production. Then you get more ultrasounds when it gets closer to ovulation to see when you are ready to get the IUI. At that time they also give you  an injection to so called “ripen” your eggs so that they will have more chances of getting fertilized. Sadly after 3 cycles of IUI and another 6 months of so passed, we were still not pregnant.

The next step was IVF (in vitro fertilization). I was a little scared of this but I really wanted to give it a shot. If you’ve ever had the experience of going through  in vitro fertilization, then you understand when I say that it’s one of the most excruciatingly emotional experiences of your life. The process was long and painful. The number of shots is unbelievable. At first, I could not give myself the shots but eventually had to learn to do so. I gave myself shots in the stomach and in the thigh. Sometimes I would end up with huge bruises because I didn’t apply enough pressure or I mistakenly hit a vein or something.  Mr. MaD had to give me shots in the bum…yikes! Those were the most painful and the most tedious. Every time I got that shot, he would have to poke me then pull out the plunger a little to check for blood. If there was blood, he would have to pull out the needle and then re-poke me somewhere else. Whew!  With this process, you get numerous ultrasounds too.

Then comes the egg retrieval. That was scary for me too! At the same time as the egg retrieval, poor Mr. MaD had to donate sperm. Yes, it’s not a “pretty” picture of romance and love.  As it turns out they ended up retrieving about 6 or so eggs. Then the eggs were fertilized with sperm and “grown” in the lab. I think the eggs had to develop into 8 cells before they are transferred into you.

Well, we finally got our egg transfer day. I think they transferred approximately 5 eggs with the hope of having at least one implanting. After the transfer, you have to lie still for approximately 30 minutes. Then you are instructed to not do any heavy lifting when you return home.

Then we had to play the waiting game. I think it was approx. 2 weeks or so that you have to wait. They check your HCG levels based upon blood tests. Your HCG levels are supposed to rise exponentially if you’re pregnant. 

So after a couple of blood tests, we were officially pregnant! I can’t tell you how relieved we were to get the news. After all that we had been through, it was a miracle.

Of course we learned not to tell about our “good news” since it was so early.  We only told our immediate family and I had to let my workplace know because of all the upcoming doctor appointment and my “light work” requirement.

It was a couple of weeks later when I was at a meeting…the dreaded bleeding! I was in a panic and called the doctor right away. They told me that there was nothing I could do.  I’d have to wait and see if the bleeding continued. If it did, then I should call them and I would have to come in for a  blood test.  As it turned out, the bleeding continued. The blood test indicated that my HCG levels were dropping dramatically. The verdict…I was having a miscarriage! I was utterly devastated!

I can not tell you how depressed I was. I could barely funtion. It was a  blessing that I had 1 more day of work until I had a vacation. God’s perfect timing! That last day of work was so busy that it helped me take my mind off my impending loss.

After the miscarriage, I was in a daze. I kept questioning God, “Why is this happening?” “Why can’t we have children?” I tried to remember that God does not give us more than we can handle. Truthfully, in my weakness I couldn’t trust God with this.

If you’ve experienced miscarriage, you know that there is a waiting period to let your body rest and recuperate.  It was not only my body that needed rest and recuperation, it was my heart and soul. Frankly, I felt lost and that no on could understand. My OB/GYN tried to see if the fertility doctor offered some kind of support after the process fails but there was nothing. My family and friends offered their prayers and support.

After a few months passed, I was determined to try again. This time we decided to try a clinic out of state (SIRM- Las Vegas)  that we heard about. We knew they had good results. So we made the phone call and had our consultation over the phone. They were so helpful! We answered a bunch of questions and we sent off our medial files from the previous infertility specialist.

As God would have it…we didn’t need to see another doctor!

Lo and behold, during the intake process and planning for a visit to the clinic we found out that we were PREGNANT!

God the miracle worker had bigger plans for us! Yes, we were pregnant!  This time is was all natural! No infertility at all!

To make a very long story short, we are the proud parents of 2 wonderful miracle children! Both conceived naturally in God’s perfect timing! How awesome is HE! These girls have blessed our lives beyond measure!

I am so in awe (to this day) of God’s hand on our lives that every time I tell the story of Princess’s conception and birth, I still cry.


Growing “Mean” Girls October 8, 2007

Filed under: children,Christianity,family,moms,toddlers — middleagedmom @ 9:09 pm
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Last night as I was flipping through channels on the TV (yes, I had a few minutes of TV time last night), I came across “Mean Girls” starring Lindsey Lohan. If you’ve ever seen it then you know that it’s about a group of “popular” girls who are mean to everyone else.

It reminded me of a story that my girlfriend shared with me on Saturday at lunch. She explained that her 7-year old daughter had a friend over to the house for a play date. My girlfriend’s friend called to ask if her daughter could join the other 2 for the play date. All 3 girls go to the same elementary school.  Some time during the day, my girlfriend’s daughter and the 1st friend decided to lock the 3rd girl out the bathroom. Then after opening the door, told the 3rd girl, “It’s all your fault!” I don’t remember the other scathing comment but the 3rd little girl was crushed. She went home and told her mother all about it. Needless to say, the mother called my girlfriend to explain the situation and share her concern regarding her daughter’s hurt feelings. Mind you, my girlfriend was out all day and her husband was “supervising” this play date so she was shocked after receiving the telephone call.  After getting off the phone, she “lectured” her daughter about the proper etiquette of playing together and treating others nicely. She also explained to her 7-year old, “Mommy’s friend is not going to want to be friends with me anymore because you were mean to …….!”

When I was in elementary school, I could be considered a “mean” girl because of something I did. I believe it was in 3rd grade.  My friends and I decided we didn’t like the new girl so we locked her in the bathroom and held the door shut until she started crying. I don’t remember all the details but we did get scoldings from our teacher. (If by chance you were the girl in the bathroom, I am so sorry and I hope you can accept this late apology.)

Isn’t it funny how girls are always the ones to say, “I’m not going to be your friend!” or “I don’t want to play with you!” It’s amazing how it starts at such a young age and continues on, even into adulthood.

Since I have a daughter (and possibly one more on the way), I hope and pray that I raise a “nice” girl. A girl who has integrity and self-confidence. A girl who cares about others as well as herself. A girl who can stand up for what’s “right” rather than “following the crowd.” A girl with a strong character, inner beauty,  and Godly values.