Confessions of a Middleagedmom

surviving motherhood in the “middle ages”

Gosselin Hope in God June 22, 2009

Filed under: children,Christianity,dad,family,life lessons,moms — middleagedmom @ 10:22 pm
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Update: TLC has suspended filming the series until August. I hope that God uses that time for healing.

Yep, I’m adding in my 2 cents. Forget the money talk.

I’m saddened by the news of Jon & Kate’s decision.

I already had a feeling that the big D word was around the corner. Wasn’t it just a few months ago that one of them said that divorce was not an option or something to that effect?

I am disappointed.

The thing that really strikes me as amazing is that I haven’t heard the word “God” come out of their mouths in recent months. Why? What happened to their belief in the power of prayer?

I remember when Kate was going in for her plastic surgery and Jon prayed for her before the surgery. I was happy to see that they made prayer a priority. I remember how they mentioned that the time the spent together after the surgery was good for their relationship. Communication was the key. I also remember when they went to California to give their testimony at a church. Remember their vow renewal in Hawaii?

So what happened to God in all of this?

I’m sure you’ve heard of the image of a triangle in reference to marriage. Imagine an isosceles triangle with you at one point on the bottom and your spouse at the other point on the bottom. God is at the top point.  As you and your spouse move closer to God (meaning you follow the line up to God) you move closer to each other. If you only move closer to your spouse (you move from your point across to your spouse) then God gets lost in the marriage.

Somehow God got lost in the picture. The one thing I do believe is that God wants the best for marriages, even Jon & Kate’s marriage. I believe that God wants the best for those children too.

If we remember that God is first in our lives, then we remember what is important in our lives.

(Proverbs 3:5-6 ) Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.


Small Talk Six (on Sunday) – Our Hero June 21, 2009

Filed under: children,Christianity,dad,family — middleagedmom @ 3:28 pm
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Want to join in?  Go here to learn how and  to view the weekly list Small Talk Six topics for 2009.

Today’s topic is “6 things you think the father of your children deserve to have.” You can answer this with a list of 6 words, 6 phrases, 6 sentences, 6 paragraphs, 6 photos, 6 videos, etc . . .


So here’s my list:

  1. A wife that loves him and supports him in all things.
  2. A family that loves God first and foremost.
  3. Rest and relaxation with some fun thrown in.
  4. Spending quality time with his children.
  5. The best that God has in store for him.

Although this looks like a pretty good list, there is so much more that Mr. MaD deserves. There are all the little things too like a home cooked meal of his favorite foods, a day playing golf with his friends, a car with working a working air conditioner, a nice vacation with me. The list could go on and on.

He’s a great father to our children and a great husband too! The girls love their daddy immensely and are always excited to spend time with him. He is truly our hero. We couldn’t do life without him.

We thank God for blessing our family with a husband and father who loves God and loves us. Happy Father’s Day, Mr. MaD!


Prayers to Save a Marriage May 26, 2009

Filed under: children,dad,family,infertility,moms — middleagedmom @ 3:15 pm
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I couldn’t resist posting about Jon & Kate Gosselin. No, it’s not to gossip about them. It’s to remind us that we need to pray for each other and for marriages and families.

After watching the season premiere last night, I was deeply saddened by the whole thing. Their family story struck a chord with me from the beginning because of their issues with infertility. As a mother, I was also amazed at how a family with 8 children could survive and thrive in everyday life. It was a pleasant surprise to know that they also thanked God for the blessings of 8 children.

Mr. MaD was quick to remind me last night that I should not judge them. I agree. I do not know the truth of their situation, only God knows that. Instead, I should show love and compassion towards them and their family. I should pray for God’s protection, peace, and mercy for their marriage and family. I should pray that they seek Godly cousel for their marriage and family. I should pray that they remember their marriage is a covenant made between them and God. Divorce is not an option.

Most importantly, I should treat them the way Christ would treat them.

Today take the time to pray for their marriage. Take the time to pray for your marriage and every other marriage out there. God is listening.


In the Desert of Infertility – Part 2 April 1, 2009

Filed under: baby,children,Christianity,dad,family,infertility,moms,pregnancy — middleagedmom @ 11:35 pm
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Sadly, I didn’t get pregnant even after 6+ more months…

I was finally referred to an Infertility Specialist. Looking back, I wish I had gone sooner. The initial appointment was just like a regular checkup. One of the curious questions was regarding how hairy I was. I remember the doctor commenting that people who are really hairy,  could indicate some kind of hormonal issue. Well, that wasn’t a problem for me. The consultation also included a talk about our history with infertility and some options.

We ended up doing a few tests. My husband did a test for sperm count which came up a little low but not substantial enough to explain the infertility. I also ended up doing a dye test to see if my fallopian tubes were blocked. I can’t remember the name of the test. I remember the nurse mentioning to me that a lot of women get pregnant after the dye test. Apparently, one of my tubes appeared to be at least partially blocked.  I actually know a few women who got pregnant with only 1 fallopian tube. Well, I still didn’t get pregnant.

The doctor recommended that we do three series of IUIs (interuterine insemination). I’m not sure if the insurance company makes them do the least evasive procedures first.  Along with the IUIs, I still had to take hormones. As part of the IUI process, you have to get ultrasounds around your period to check your ovaries and egg production. Then you get more ultrasounds when it gets closer to ovulation to see when you are ready to get the IUI. At that time they also give you  an injection to so called “ripen” your eggs so that they will have more chances of getting fertilized. Sadly after 3 cycles of IUI and another 6 months of so passed, we were still not pregnant.

The next step was IVF (in vitro fertilization). I was a little scared of this but I really wanted to give it a shot. If you’ve ever had the experience of going through  in vitro fertilization, then you understand when I say that it’s one of the most excruciatingly emotional experiences of your life. The process was long and painful. The number of shots is unbelievable. At first, I could not give myself the shots but eventually had to learn to do so. I gave myself shots in the stomach and in the thigh. Sometimes I would end up with huge bruises because I didn’t apply enough pressure or I mistakenly hit a vein or something.  Mr. MaD had to give me shots in the bum…yikes! Those were the most painful and the most tedious. Every time I got that shot, he would have to poke me then pull out the plunger a little to check for blood. If there was blood, he would have to pull out the needle and then re-poke me somewhere else. Whew!  With this process, you get numerous ultrasounds too.

Then comes the egg retrieval. That was scary for me too! At the same time as the egg retrieval, poor Mr. MaD had to donate sperm. Yes, it’s not a “pretty” picture of romance and love.  As it turns out they ended up retrieving about 6 or so eggs. Then the eggs were fertilized with sperm and “grown” in the lab. I think the eggs had to develop into 8 cells before they are transferred into you.

Well, we finally got our egg transfer day. I think they transferred approximately 5 eggs with the hope of having at least one implanting. After the transfer, you have to lie still for approximately 30 minutes. Then you are instructed to not do any heavy lifting when you return home.

Then we had to play the waiting game. I think it was approx. 2 weeks or so that you have to wait. They check your HCG levels based upon blood tests. Your HCG levels are supposed to rise exponentially if you’re pregnant. 

So after a couple of blood tests, we were officially pregnant! I can’t tell you how relieved we were to get the news. After all that we had been through, it was a miracle.

Of course we learned not to tell about our “good news” since it was so early.  We only told our immediate family and I had to let my workplace know because of all the upcoming doctor appointment and my “light work” requirement.

It was a couple of weeks later when I was at a meeting…the dreaded bleeding! I was in a panic and called the doctor right away. They told me that there was nothing I could do.  I’d have to wait and see if the bleeding continued. If it did, then I should call them and I would have to come in for a  blood test.  As it turned out, the bleeding continued. The blood test indicated that my HCG levels were dropping dramatically. The verdict…I was having a miscarriage! I was utterly devastated!

I can not tell you how depressed I was. I could barely funtion. It was a  blessing that I had 1 more day of work until I had a vacation. God’s perfect timing! That last day of work was so busy that it helped me take my mind off my impending loss.

After the miscarriage, I was in a daze. I kept questioning God, “Why is this happening?” “Why can’t we have children?” I tried to remember that God does not give us more than we can handle. Truthfully, in my weakness I couldn’t trust God with this.

If you’ve experienced miscarriage, you know that there is a waiting period to let your body rest and recuperate.  It was not only my body that needed rest and recuperation, it was my heart and soul. Frankly, I felt lost and that no on could understand. My OB/GYN tried to see if the fertility doctor offered some kind of support after the process fails but there was nothing. My family and friends offered their prayers and support.

After a few months passed, I was determined to try again. This time we decided to try a clinic out of state (SIRM- Las Vegas)  that we heard about. We knew they had good results. So we made the phone call and had our consultation over the phone. They were so helpful! We answered a bunch of questions and we sent off our medial files from the previous infertility specialist.

As God would have it…we didn’t need to see another doctor!

Lo and behold, during the intake process and planning for a visit to the clinic we found out that we were PREGNANT!

God the miracle worker had bigger plans for us! Yes, we were pregnant!  This time is was all natural! No infertility at all!

To make a very long story short, we are the proud parents of 2 wonderful miracle children! Both conceived naturally in God’s perfect timing! How awesome is HE! These girls have blessed our lives beyond measure!

I am so in awe (to this day) of God’s hand on our lives that every time I tell the story of Princess’s conception and birth, I still cry.


My Thoughts on Octuplet Mother February 12, 2009

Filed under: baby,children,Christianity,family,infertility,moms,pregnancy — middleagedmom @ 2:57 pm
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I’m sure you’ve all heard about the single mother, Nadya Suleman, who gave birth to octuplets.

Like most people, at first I was shocked to hear the news that octuplets were born to a single mom. But after a little time to digest it and to reflect on my life as a mother, I am withholding judgement of her.

First, I am totally saddened by all those unnecessary comments about her physical appearance and her so-called obsession with Angelina Jolie.  Why are people even concerned with that? What does that have to do with her being a mother?

Of course I do understand what all the “hype” is about in terms of her and her finances. People are upset about her being a single mom of now 14 children. People are upset that she may not be able to support her children and may need public assistance. People are upset that she will probably not be able to pay for her very expensive hospital bill. I hope these same people are voicing their concerns about the California government who is now in debt and who probably didn’t spend their money wisely either.  That’s your taxpayer money used (proabably unwisely) by the government!

As a mother, I am actually feeling sympathetic toward her. Why? Well, because I too struggled for years with infertility. I, too, had to turn to infertility treatments. I TOTALLY understand why doctors implant multiple embryos into the mother. I know that the odds of getting pregnant successfully is slim. I know how it feels when you yearn to be a mother and you can’t. I know how it feels to have 1 child and want more children.  I know how it feels when your body “betrays” you. I know how it feels when you will do whatever it takes to have a family. I know how it feels to believe that every embryo is a life and you would never “destroy” them. I know how it feels to have those embryos inside you and believe that each is a life worth living and saving. I know how it feels to be afraid that your desire for 1 child may lead to multiple children. I know how it feels to decide that you will not have selective reduction should you have multiples.

I also know how it feels to go through multiple infertility treatments and not have a child after all. I truly believe that children are a gift from God. A truly blessed gift.

I know that each of us is not perfect. We all have our own insecurities and limitations. We all do things to make ourselves feel better. We all struggle with ourselves. We all have to live with decisions we have made whether right or wrong.  I am not in a position to judge her, especially since I believe that she did not do this with bad intentions. I do believe that she does love her children and did not intend to have octuplets. I have to applaud her courage for coming out and talking about her situation and her struggles.

In one of my past jobs, I had first-hand experience working with families living in poverty (living on public assistance in public housing). Some of these families were what we would call “well-deserving” of public assistance because they had encountered some kind of hardship that put them there. Other, we might say were just caught up in the cycle of poverty. Their families have lived for many years and still do live in public housing. They have family members in jail or prison. They struggle with illiteracy and getting/keeping a job. They have multiple children. Some with over 10 children with a single mom with a father in prison. Many drive nicer cars than me. Many have much more electronic equipment that I ever had or will have.

So, how much more can we judge Nadya?

I’m not sure how different my life would have been had I had multiples. I’m not sure how I would have felt if someone told me that I couldn’t have multiple embryos implanted when I did in-vitro, esp. knowing how slim my odds were of getting pregnant.

As of now, I am withholidng judgement. I only wish her and her children the best. I pray for her and her family…that God would bless them abundantly.

I thank God for my children. I am truly blessed with this life.


Daily Gratitude May 20, 2008

Filed under: baby,children,Christianity,dad,family,moms,toddlers — middleagedmom @ 2:39 pm
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I’ve been working hard to remember how blessed I am. Yes, I do grumble. Unfortunately, probably more than I should. At church on Sunday, our pastor was speaking about not being envious because it really opens the door to the enemy. I don’t want to say that I’m envious but maybe I am. Sometimes I do think about how my life could be “easier like so and so’s life” or how I wish “baby would be a better sleeper like so and so.”  I guess that does sound envious.

I recently heard a story on the news about a family who lost their 3 year old son in a car accident. The drunk driver ran head on into their car and the little boy’s car seat flew out of the car. The parents were injured but alive and their 1 year old daughter only received a few minor scratches. Sadly, they went home  with one less child. I pray that God would give them peace and help them heal during this tragic time.

I really have a great life when I think about that family. I should have NOTHING to grumble about!

So, I am asking for God’s forgiveness today as I do everyday.

Instead, I will keep my thoughts on all the blessings I have in my life. Rather I shall meditate on this verse, Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

I believe God wants the best for our lives and he wants me to be faithful in all things. Trusting God in all our circumstances is the most difficult part of having a relationship with God but I am so blessed to have a merciful Father who is full of grace and love when it comes to my limitations.

So, today I proclaim that I am truly blessed with a terrific husband and 2 beautiful daughters. I am blessed that I am alive and able to take care of my children as a stay at home mom. I am blessed that I have a home to live in and  a car to drive. I am blessed for all the supportive loving people in my life. I really do have a lot to be thankful about.

I hope you take the time to remember how blessed you are today and everyday. God bless you!